The Breakdown

I try to keep my distance
from those happy couples
walking hand and hand
and sharing life together

I try to keep my poise
and I try to maintain grace
When I look around
and only see his smiling face.

But for some reason I cannot
get over him. At all.
I tried to just move on
but the drawing board is
always revisited
and it just doesn't work out
the way I thought it should.
The way I knew it would.

"I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say."

Neither do I
It's frustrating...
and stupid
and it COULD still
be the way it was
Nothing changed
between us
it was outside of us
beyond us
Above us
Controlling us
Separating us

I told him to move on
that I would be okay,
that I would move along
just please don't stay.

He listened so well
and so suddenly he fell
from where we were
to someone else
his love.

I told him to move on
but what I said
was wrong.

Poetry flows through my mind
faster than I can type.
Faster than 90 words per minute
Faster than flying fingers
fumbling, flailing, flicking
keystrokes on a broken
connection between
past and present.

I try to keep my distance
from those happy faces on pages
of long lost romances
that I'm sure never engages
me again.

I try to keep my distance
from those happy couples
where I once belonged.

It's funny now
that I don't cry
But I want to
cry a thousand tears
just because you're alive.

I'm happy for you,
but as for me,
not so happy.

But I'll wake in the morning
and go on with the life I choose to lead.
I'll wake up in the morning
and smile as I mundanely succeed.
Behind this mask
Behind this joy
Is this quiet
Helpless boy.

I told you to move on
But I was wrong.
I told you I'd be fine
But I just get along.

Poetry flows through my mind
faster than I can speak
But that's not for you to know,
because you cannot really care.
Because you're not here
And I'm not there.

Thanks for listening...