New Beginning

Waking from an endless summer I stand

ready to move, to create, to live, to replace.

Waking from the eternal slumber I grin

ready to embrace, to take, to give for fate.

Years have trickled without a sound

Years have gone and I wonder how

Years have wasted without count

'til I woke to see them now:

years of suppression

years of fear

years of anger

years of tears

years of affliction

years of pain

years of love

gone away.

The summer sets into the night

I wake again by morning light.

Grumbling, shaking, I open eyes

step into the wronger right,

reach out my hands to take hold

reach out to God as knees fold

rise again to a world spinning

rise to face my new beginning.

Looking...

I find myself looking,

waiting for the break.

I find myself staring

hating what it takes.

I find myself longing

for the man across the lawn.

I find myself wronging

making everything undone.

How does it happen?

Feelings being sprung

from feelings not yet undone?

Listening to that voice

Seeing that smile

Holding my breath

As he drives me wild?

I find myself wanting it to end

so he can find his own peace

Instead of fulfilling mine.

I find myself hoping it will stop

just so he can lives his life

and I can go on with mine.

But instead,

I find myself watching

and longing, and waiting

for a chance, a ray of hope

to never, ever, 

maybe, possibly

come.

Hookah Circles

Lines run in circles

As we pass the pipes

and the smoke clouds 

the way back home.

Home.

It resonates with a different resonance

than what it did just yesterday 

when I feared to return each night

for the utter lack of assent from that bitch

who now seems like a distant dream

that I sorely wish I could have again.

Mom.

It's odd that now that I'm away 

she seems like such a saint

as every package brings a taste

and hint of that far away place called home.

I miss 1000 miles of memories

And will make 1000 miles more

Because I sit around this circle

Smoking in the great outdoors.

The End.

I wish I knew how this would end

but then again, I don't think it will

Because you'll always be a part of me

in my heart, in my life, in my dreams.

We may separate and never again meet

But still the love will never fade

Because a piece of my heart

belongs to you forever, always.

I wish I knew how to say goodbye

without hating myself for it

I wish it would not make you cry

When we realize this is it.

But this is it – the end.

And I'll miss you more than you know.

But this is it — the end.

So, for that reason, I must truly go.

Goodbye, my dear,

But do not weep.

For the future is bright

And you'll always be right

beside me, behind me, 

in my mind, in my life.

Even though this is it

The end of my time here,

Do not worry, do not fret,

For I will always love you, my dear.

Feelings

These feelings overwhelm me

and I cannot sort through the turmoil

to distinguish the overpowering sensation of leaving

from these muddled emotions that hide my pain

in the veil of a thousand different thoughts 

which blaze through my mind like a wildfire

tearing me apart from the inside.

The tears boil beneath the surface

heated by the flames of anger

even as I'm cooled by relief

and dripping anxiety

over the waterfall of excitement

even as I weep the sorrow

that hacks away at my joy

and dismisses my fear

of the unknown yet to face me.

I anticipate the future

I remember the past

but I cannot feel the present

Because these feelings confuse

and confound and block out

everything that there is to know now.

It's hard to think straight

when everything is being swept from underneath

And no one cares to put it back or hold it down

as the wind picks up and the summer fades

to those lonely autumn nights when no one dances

by the moonlight and no one holds me close til the daylight comes.

I want to break down and cry

But these feelings get in the way.

Summerset

The days are growing shorter,

the nights colder,

the winds stronger,

my resolve weaker.

The summer is ending

and I see that we are, too.

The season was summer,

when the butterflies began to flutter

through the air and now I shutter

as I take wing across this great expanse

and leave to be alone taken the chance

of not being able to make it on my own...

Alone.

Lost in the blur of the city

of the thousands of faces

but utterly and hopelessly alone

without you there to guide me 

without you there to lead me

without you to give me a home.

In your arms I found bliss

In your house, in your kiss.

Now your arms have gone away

I feel empty, nothing to say.

The summer is setting

The sun sets beyond the horizon

And the moon begins to shine above me

As I cry for the loss, cry for the pain

Cry to know there's no more dancing

Cause I'm headed out on my own

Leaving this place that I call home

And awaiting the sunrise

But knowing it won't be reflected in your eyes

But still over you and me, darling.

The summer may be setting

but this love will never fade.

There will always be a place in mind

and body and heart and soul

Just for you, just for us,

just for the summer we shared.

For today, for tomorrow, forever.

Summerset.