The Air Makes My Balls Fall Off, My Dick Won't See Spring

Three Goddam Fucking Months,

Dry and empty, empty and dry,

look around and wonder why,

Why, God-dammit, WHY

can't I have someone inside?

I look like a fucking creampuff,

groin swelled and clothes to bluff.

The air is thick with fake snow,

empty rain, it's goddamn fucking COLD

like the sheets on my empty bed,

perfectly smooth but oh so chill,

I lie there in my defeated will.

Will someone please fucking fuck me already?

It's so cold my balls are falling off,

I'm afraid my dick won't see Spring.

Please, dear God, Allah, Buddah, Obama,

just give me someone with a thing!

It's so goddam fucking cold

my nuts are buried by squirrels,

I'm afraid my dick won't last the winter

unless it finds somewhere to hide

and escape this goddam thing!