Two Throats (Gilbert Imitation)

Remember the tilted television set
When we held hands,
Threw wine on the sheets
Watching life in black and white and
Listening to Bette's screams
As we poured glasses of ourselves
Down our throats?
We cupped palms;
I lay on your chest
We nearly kissed, fucked
Almost poured wine
Down our throats.
Remember?

To Anal Sex (Koch Imitation)

Best: (Manguso approved!)

When I moved to New York,
I only saw you
late nights
On the computer screen,
alone.
I wanted you;
Got you again when I went home,
Lost you again when I came back.
You avoid the city.


Original:
We met on the futon,
Parents through the wall,
He passed a bottle,
Said, “Take it easy, slow.”
You were a pressure
On my heads,
Latex would fill
Premature and I would
Leave him filled yet unsatisfied.
I maintained a rhythm though
Awkward as it was
We enjoyed the changing positions
Before I changed positions.
When I moved to New York,
I did not see you
Except late nights
On the computer screen when
I was alone.
I wanted you;
Got you again when I went home,
Lost you again when I came back.
You avoid the city.



Version 2:
We met on the futon
When I was eighteen.
I heard his parents
Through the wall.
He passed a bottle,
Said, “take it easy, slow.”
Your sounds were quieter than
His parents’ voices.
Your smell, more poignant.
His parents’ voices
Conjure strawberries
And feces.
You overwhelmed
My heads every time,
Filled me with doubt that
Latex would fill
Premature; I would
Leave him filled yet unsatisfied.
I was done before I started.
I held it off despite you,
Maintained rhythmic thrusts though
Awkward as they were
We enjoyed the changing positions
Before I changed positions.
When I moved to New York,
I did not see you
Except late nights
On the computer screen when
I was alone.
I wanted you;
Got you again when I went home,
Lost you again when I came back.
You avoid the city.

To My Stomach

You shrink.
Last year, I only saw my
Penis when sitting down.
Now, I see my pubes.
You shrink.

To The Finger Buried in My Anus

Roommate's out,
You're in.

Real

Abstract non-fictional characters surround you;
you want to hold onto them but your fear stops
every last ounce of strength to reach out
to grab, for one instant, tangibility in ghosts
skimming the soft recesses of your body.

You kiss to feel more alive but never live
more than the few seconds before everything
melts back into the floor and leaves you
curled inside yourself in the living room,
watching the others' stories unfold before you
just so you can feel like you do have a life.

Millisecond pauses are too long for me to
shut down a life built on avoidance,
perfectly sustainable before you came,
changed the way I felt the world;
I stare out the window at the snow falling,
millisecond shutter clicks capturing
single flakes I am too afraid to search for
before they melt back into the floor.

You need to harden, cool to solidify,
I need to freeze, cool to solidify;
Everything is real when we're together.

I Lay Frozen in a Snowless Winter

Nothing was confusing
when life was a 3-week coma
away from the rush where everyone
goes to get lost from the world in a
sea of neon lights and chrome,
but I am stuck here,
frozen to the bed
in a snowless winter.

A month is all it took
for you to take my everything
in your greedy little hands.
I will never be the same.
I don't seem to mind, though.

If I get laid on Sunday,
the only person I'll see is you
and it scares me that we never
moved past the platonic
cuddling of Yellow Tails,
homemade pizzas,
flashbacks to the 70s
when neither of us lived
nor care to live again.

I can or cannot detach,
will not allow myself to fall
out of these arms
that never held me,
never loved me
because they were afraid
to break apart again.

You're so unstable,
eye of the hurricane
that does not know
if the turmoil waiting
is worth the effort to move
back into again.

So I lay here waiting
For the snow to fall,
the season to fulfill
fantasies as another
man enters my bed
leaving your cologne
covering the trail of
loveless fucking
just to remind me
I am still human.

I have never wanted
the snow to fall more
than when I met you.

All My Friends

There were things we said,
did, wanted to say, do
but it was -- was not
-----
nothing will be the same
everything is the same
I love you on days like these
When turmoil is the only sane thought
-----
Will you run from the sunset with me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby, we have the world here
Leaving is impossible
Loving inevitable
----I want to bury lives
between the sheets
in purely platonic love nests
built on two extra-long twins
pushed together under permanent starlight
-----
Smoke to the sunrise tonight?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We. do. not. get. embarrassed.
Unabashedly, love me.
Unabashedly, live with me.
Unabashedly -------
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
My heart bursts
when you understand

~~~~~~~~~~

We censor our words
as we laugh at the porch lights
like they are fire,
we the matches who lit the flame
----
believe me, I love you
I cannot change, though,
do not want to
I want to stay here
----
Are you coming or not?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life is not yours to take,
to steal, to suck the soul out of,
Life is borrowed
------You don't get it
-- I love you, still
------------
You are a drug
No one can break from,
no one can live after
You suck the soul from them
From me, from life
--I love you, still
------------
I cannot explain you;
I do not want to anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifty cent dates are the best
When the sunset crystalizes
our moments together
in 5-second stills
------we climb bridges
--together
--------------
We have children
born in our imaginations
running wild over waterfalls
where the drought refuses to strike,
heat paled by the passion between us
--------------
We have forever in crystal sunsets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honey, you melt me altogether
Everything is perfect, light, whole
Even in the bitchiest hours
of your lingering presence
when even the Turkish skies
Cannot keep us apart
-------
You solidify reality
in sweet sugary cups
dark curls, pale skin
------
You drip like Honey
into my veins